Parenting in the Smart Zone

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Parenting In The Smart Zone™ is the manual for those of you feeling out of your element once you become a parent. For most people, the only parenting course they took was being raised by their own parents. We watched our own parents, judged them, and made commitments to ourselves that we wanted to do things differently when we had kids of our own. We were the best parents…until we had kids.

We can all benefit from learning ways to parent more successfully. In the book Parenting In The Smart Zone™, you learn to live day-to-day, able to focus, think things through, and manage effectively despite the influence of worry, stress, and dissatisfaction in your relationships. This can mean being aware of your expectations and how they can interfere with your ability to function in your Smart Zone™. It also means recognizing how your philosophy, your actions, your discipline strategies, and the type of parent you want to be needs to be adjusted to put you in your Smart Zone™.

Table of Contents


Introduction: I Was the Best Parent Until I Had Kids 1

Working in Your Smart Zone 4

Chapter 1: Smart Parenting: It Can’t Be That Hard 7

What is a Smart Parenting Philosophy? 8

Thinking Less about Technique 10

Steps to Developing a Smart Parenting Philosophy 11

What Influences Our Expectations and the Development of Our Smart Parenting Philosophy? 13

Merging Smart Parenting Philosophies 15

The Responsibility of a Smart Parent 16

Chapter 2: Wanting to Give Your Kids Everything You Didn’t Have 19

Spoiling Your Kids 20

Robbing Your Children of Their Own Wisdom 23

The Mistake of Wanting to Believe It Isn’t True 24

Doing the Right Thing 26

Providing the Gift of Life Skills and Ethical, Responsible Judgment 26

Chapter 3: Did You Think Your Marriage Would Get Better When You Had a Child? 29

The Change in Satisfaction 30

Are You Scared Yet? 31

Creating an Opportunity for Change 32

Research on Marital Satisfaction and Birth of a First Child 33

Being Positively Influenced by Your Spouse 34

Regulating Emotions Well 34

Maintaining a Level of Satisfaction in Your Relationship Despite Your Differences 35

Content versus Process 36

Resolve versus Repair 38

Chapter 4: When Life Changes after Having Children 41

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know 42

The Biggest Jump Is from Zero to One 44

Daily Parenting Hassles 45

Continuing to Be Kind: Your Kids Are Watching 45

Policing Yourself Rather Than Monitoring the Response of Others 47

Resisting the Urge to Make Yourself Less of a Priority 48

We Teach People How to Treat Us 48

Chapter 5: Losing Your Cool with Your Kids 51

Hugging the Tree 52

Are You Teaching Your Child to Argue? 54

There Is No Blood in Your Brain 55

Teaching People How to Treat Us 56

The Low-Value Smart Model 59

Chapter 6: The Problem with Wanting to Be Friends with Your Child 65

Privacy versus Secrecy 66

When You Don’t Want to Know 68

Emotional Distance Model 68

Developing Smart Internal Resources 71

Social Competency 73

Chapter 7: When Your Child Doesn’t Come to You When He Needs to Talk 77

Why Ask Why? 78

Setting Him Up to Be a Better Liar 79

How Behavior Communicates: When No Words Are Needed 80

Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll, Cell Phones and the Internet 83

Pushing Them Toward the Problem 88

Chapter 8: How to Tell If Your Child Has a Problem 91

Personality (with a Little Temperament and Character Mixed In) 92

Clinical Issues 95

The Influence of Personality 96

Mood Disorders 97

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder 98

Anxiety Disorders 99

Behavior Disorders 100

Treatment for Clinical Issues 101

Chapter 9: And You Thought You Would Never Spank Your Children 103

Do as I Say, Not as I Do 104

Punishment versus Discipline 105

Discipline versus Punishment 108

Making the Consequences Fit The Crime 108

Purposeful Behavior 109

When You Know She Did It 111

Chapter 10: Raising a Happy Child 115

Who Is Responsible for Your Child’s Happiness 116

Happiness Is Best Not Left to Chance 117

Our Reputation Fuels Our Self-Esteem 119

Self-Efficacy and Confidence 121

Locus of Control 122

A Smart Look at Locus of Control 122

Emotional Intelligence 127

Chapter 11: Making Your Kids Get Along with Each Other 131

Smart Sibling Rivalry 132

Smart Conflict Resolution 133

Using the Smart Sandwich to Communicate 135

Smart Skills for the Future 138

Chapter 12: Trying To Put Your Family First 141

Using Your Time Effectively 142

Competition for Your Attention and Energy 143

Smart Life Chart 144

Emptying Your Bucket 146

Chasing the Years of Your Life 149

Glossary 153

Resources 159

  • Paperback: 159 pages
  • Publisher: Smart Zone Productions (March 30, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0976032406
  • ISBN-13: 978-0976032403
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.3 x 0.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces

(coming soon)

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